Streamline thought of a child of the Darkmoon

Fri, 27 Apr 2007 23:00:29 GMT

The world is what it is and I will do whatever is necessary to obtain what I want and need.

Hypocrisy is inevitable when two sides of the same soul forever disagree.

Sun, 22 Apr 2007 06:57:01 GMT

So glad to be back. So glad to be back in control.

May these wings never be clipped again. And may the fires always burn.

Mon, 26 Feb 2007 16:54:39 GMT

What a revelation to discover that I never went anywhere at all, particularly because my failure and old habits, are not so hard to break as I, and even they are irrevocably tied to my very being.

Mon, 28 Mar 2005 01:34:51 GMT

This may not make sense to some of you, but due to the prolonged absence or perhaps subconscious repression of the DarkmoonChild, this journal is closed until further notice. Basically until when he/her/it/I/we come back or I , I , I , figure out what the hell is going on.

Au revoir.

Sat, 26 Mar 2005 07:33:34 GMT

My respect level for men who hardcore shave or wax their chests (esp. the whole torso): low.

Wed, 23 Mar 2005 17:20:25 GMT

Reconstructing my mental sanity is quite the task, but I have met the challenge as always. Then again, I am alone this time. Where is the DarkmoonChild when I am set to build the fortress that is my mind, laying down stone, memory, and defense? Our throne room echoes with the hollow sounds of absence, for I dare not assume the seat of control before we have both had our chance to lay claim for now. In the minutes before sleep, I call to him and ask for his return. No answer. No presence. This is something that I don't believe has happened before. Surrounded by the silence of response, I resume the reconstruction. Alone. For how long?

The scary thing is that I'm alright either way...

Mon, 21 Mar 2005 06:10:15 GMT

I haven't eaten in awhile. My mouth tastes like hunger and acid, yet it only tastes like the emptiness even though I'm not really hungry. Eating would likely make me vomit. At least I have the physical reserves, if not the emotional reserves, to make it through the night.

I'm going to go brush my teeth.

Sun, 20 Mar 2005 10:09:02 GMT

Mortality thrusts its way into my face like an unwanted penis seeking entrance to my clenched mouth. I remember that I have too often been the child of the moon and not of the sun. Shitty sun. Shitty son. Too eager to look towards the future and always neglecting the past. They are part of the past, unwanted in the future, and so I scorn them for their nurturing. Here is my chance to make it up to them and perhaps rid myself of the eternal guilt that I vowed to take to my grave. The situation is grave indeed. Once more the power of time transcends that of the moon, the sun, the son, the Darkmoon, and the Darkmoon Child. Only time will tell.

Wait and see.

Fri, 18 Mar 2005 16:45:49 GMT

When I told Nicole that I had randomly run into USN people while here in Evanston, she said, "i forget you and i went to school with them." That got me thinking. There are three categories of friends in my life:
High school friends, college friends, and friends from high school, the final category being people that I actually still talk to and have a friendship that exists beyond high school. I simply thought that those separate, special people needed distinction. You know who you are. And as a very strange coincidence, "What About Your Friends" just came on my iTunes.

I shall end the entry here before some other coincidental cosmic alignment explodes my toenails onto my eyebrows.

Thu, 17 Mar 2005 06:43:33 GMT

I feel a loss, and it's got me kinda shook
I keep on searching but it's nowhere I look

Somethin' is missin'!
Something is missing in my life (something is missing)
Won't somebody tell me where it's gone (something is missing)
Something is missing in my life
Somebody tell me where I've gone wrong
With my life

I move around, keep goin' day and night
I look for answers but they're nowhere in sight
Somethin' is missin'

On a bus or walking down the street
I feel lonely lost and incomplete

Whoa, whoa!
Somethin' is missin' in my life (Somethin' is missin')
Won't somebody tell me where it's gone (something is missing)
Somethin' is missing in my life
Somebody tell me where I've gone wrong
With my life

(Somethin' is missin' in my life) In my life
(Somethin' is missin' in my life) Somethin' is missin'
(Somethin' is missin' in my life)
Somethin' is missin'

Mon, 14 Mar 2005 16:45:28 GMT

For the past four nights or so, I have put myself to sleep by thinking about why I have been alone and why I will continue to be alone for an indefinitely long amount of time.

I cannot come up with counter reasons for the latter question.

In other news, I am going to be a summer counselor, so I can at least be thankful for things like that.

Wed, 02 Mar 2005 06:45:40 GMT

Disregard the last entry.

Translation: Bombs refilled.

Wed, 02 Mar 2005 03:45:24 GMT

Why am I single?
Why do I not have any good pictures of myself?
Why do I have so much work that I don't have the will to go to the gym?
Why am I writing this?
Why do I feel this way when I clearly don't want to?
Why do I feel this way when I'm genuinely not depressed?
Why are other people so complicated?
Why can't I be the most complicated of them all?
Why can my life not be a fantasy?
Why am I stressing so much about getting this job?
Why do I sound so angsty?
Why am I getting on my own nerves?
Why can't I just grow up?
Why can't I see that I already have?
Why has my latent mutant power not kicked in?
Why do people think it's so immature to believe in mutant powers?
Why do I have writer's block?
Why am I single?

Tue, 01 Mar 2005 00:30:17 GMT

I wonder what would happen if I tried to speak only in iambic pentameter.

Wed, 23 Feb 2005 23:20:21 GMT

Double le sigh.

My mother followed up her bitchy phone call with a bitchy and highly condescending e-mail.

I responded with 13 points arguing my defensive position and the appropriate amount of tact with only two instances of slight annoyance and bitterness towards her character.

I am impressed with her new e-mail sending skills though. It would be more helpful if I couldn't imagine her speaking the words anyway.

Wed, 23 Feb 2005 21:05:59 GMT

Le sigh. As expected, here's how my "conversation" (as she called it) went with my mother.

These were some of her main points:

1. She couldn't understand why or rather what could make a person change his mind by 18 months of a difference and going to college.

2. I am to blame for many of her financial problems and I am expected to earn money to recompensate for those problems.

3. When I asked if my main priority in life was to pay her back, her answer was not, "No."

4. She implicitly, and almost explicitly, said that people who earn under $100,000 (single, not married) are unhappy and poor. One individual cannot sustain his own living with so little money as $50,000 a year.

That's what I call breeding, darling.

Wed, 23 Feb 2005 07:31:18 GMT

Disclaimer: I'm only worried about this because it has such a direct effect on what I do with my course selection as immediate as this summer. The latest update on what to do after college:

My mom is a complete bitch. Those of you who have known me long enough or have read this journal long enough know that. She wants me to make enough money so that I can pamper her when she's older and pay her the sums of money that she feels I owe to her even though most would easily classify what she's given me as "parental help and responsibility." Also, her being spoiled by her parents and her brothers and my dad have left her thinking that money, specifically brand-name material goods, are the only way to live. I grow tired of her utterly ridiculous ways.

Monica basically told me that she, "doesn't see me in medicine," and that I "have a greater purpose." She also told me to do what I wanted to and whatever makes me happy, and she supported the idea of me going on to be a writer. After God, I trust and value Monica's opinion more than anyone else's.

I have a pretty decent idea of what I'd like to do if I go down the writing track: I'd be writing as well as getting a PhD because I'm genuinely interested in teaching and publishing. None of this is set in stone. I really need to calm down and wait and see.

In other news, I'm still young, single, lonely, pensive, inspired, burning, exhausted, composed, frustrated, aggravated, temperate, and humble.

Tue, 22 Feb 2005 02:57:55 GMT

Worked myself way too hard at the gym...collapsing...........now.

Thu, 17 Feb 2005 00:27:31 GMT

Instead of writing my history paper just yet...I've decided to consider the fact that some of my friends are actually like forces of nature. To be around them is like flying on gale force winds, like being incenerated by fire, like living underwater, like experiencing the depths of the earth. It is very intense. It is very beautiful. I'm not quite sure which forces of nature these people are, but they are each some individual force of their own.

Nic T.
Zeynep

I think that's it for now...if I think of more that fit into this category, I'll post it.

Added:

Ok, I thought about it...it's rather obvious. Nic is clearly fire, and Zeynep is definitely the wind.

Wed, 16 Feb 2005 16:46:32 GMT

RACHEL!!!!! (and anyone else who knows the full story of this year and last year) I FOUND OUT SOMETHING SO HILARIOUSLY AWFUL THAT I LAUGHED OVER IT FOR A GOOD HALF HOUR!!!!!! IT'S SO RETARDED!!!! CALL ME, IM ME, DO SOMETHING!!!!

Tue, 15 Feb 2005 07:14:18 GMT

Screaming, crying, gritting, gnashing, fighting, kicking, grabbing, pulling, twisting, smashing, punching, tearing, ripping, thinking.

And the stupidest thing is that I would feel this way no matter when Valentine's day was. If today were tomorrow and tomorrow were today, I'd be happy today and upset tomorrow.

I keep fighting my one true friend and my greatest enemy: myself. And I don't think that I have the strength to do it anymore.

Back to normal tomorrow...

Fri, 11 Feb 2005 01:55:46 GMT

How many total songs?
1583 songs, 4.2 days, 6.21 GB

Sort by Song Title - first and last songs?
First: "Axe Throws (SFX)"- a sound effect from the Kill Bill Soundtrack
Last: "Zealots" -The Fugees

Sort by Time - first and last songs?
First: (0:02) "Flip Sting (SFX)"- Kill Bill sound effect again
Last: (16:06) "Eskimo" - Damien Rice Hot CD by the way. Thanks, Claire.

Top Ten Played Songs
1. Ready for Love- India.Aire
2. Dangerously in Love 2- Beyonce
3. I Can't Make You Love Me- Bonnie Raitt
4. My Immortal- Evanessence
5. Colorblind- Counting Crows
6. I Know- Destiny's Child
7. Diary- Alicia Keys ft. Tony Toni Tone
8. Should I Go- Brandy
9. How Do I Live- Trisha Yearwood
10. Everything- Stereo Fuse

Last Ten Played
1. Malaguena Salerosa- Chingon
2. Heaven's Light/Hellfire- Hunchback of Notre Dame
3. Hands Up- TLC
4. Selfish- Fantasia Barrino (bad CD btw)
5. Weapon- Matthew Good Band
6. Should I Go- Brandy
7. I'm Good- Blaque
8. Low- Kelly Clarkson
9. Schadenfreude- Avenue Q
10. Anyway- Brian McKnight

Find 'sex.' How many songs show up?
22...mostly cuz of TLC's album: Crazysexycool

Find 'death.' How many songs show up?
24...all because of Notorious B.I.G.'s album: Life After Death

Find 'love.' How many songs show up?
138

Damn Straight (Poor word choice?)

Mon, 07 Feb 2005 02:12:41 GMT

You Are 40% Femme and 60% Butch!

80 - 100% Femme - You're the girly girl of the century. Or Clay Aiken.

60 - 79% Femme - Girl? Almost certainly. If not, you've got some major man boobs going on.

40 - 59% Femme - Girl or guy? Even your best friends can't figure this one out.

20 - 39% Femme - You are likely male, or the toughest, scariest lesbian around.

0 - 19% Femme - You are 100% male. You make cowboys look like pussies.

How Butch or Femme Are You?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

Thu, 03 Feb 2005 07:47:26 GMT

Yeah, so my last entry was not very descriptive. Allow me to lay out what was so nice about today:

1. I woke up and finished my problem set with ease.
2. Showered and got dressed. Put on some clothes and I felt like I looked good.
3. Went to lunch with Yvonne after leaving Physics a little early.
4. English 125 had interesting discussions. I found myself wanting to speak, not out of necessity but out of believing that I had something to say.
5. I latched right onto Professor Markovits' lecture in Victorian Novel today, and when you can understand a complex, literary argument from a Yale graduate and professor and are able to critique that argument, it erases insecurities that one may have about literary analysis skills.
6. Had an enjoyable and calm afternoon.
7. Went to Victorian Novel section. I felt like I had interesting and insightful things to say.
8. It was Hannah's birthday, so we went to Bar for pizza.
9. Alex brought me Fufu Berry
10. I can't think of anything that went wrong today. I must have had a really good karma day somewhere along the way.

Wed, 02 Feb 2005 20:31:03 GMT

WHAT A GREAT DAY!!!!!!!